she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
