Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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