apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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