had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
