If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
