I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
