Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
