Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
