I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
