i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
