I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The adults are the big ones right?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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