Quick, to the slutcave!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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