You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
