eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
