He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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