I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Drake has all the answers
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
