I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Less talking, more tequila
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
