Having a random hookup so left but love u
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
