mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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