guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
