I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
