note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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