I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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