Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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