Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
No subtext here. People are naked.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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