Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
