weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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