my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
