I want to stick my p in your. b.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
