i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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