Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
