Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
