they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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