you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
