Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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