my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
