u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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