She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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