is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
