He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
