Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
