yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
