he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
