So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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