i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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