And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
