all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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