My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
