I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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