if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
